berry pickin', bizarre cats, and bags of douche

i must have looked through this website for countless hours. it's probably one of the top ten most hilarious ones:

http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/

enjoy!

also, i just watched a great movie: L'Auberge Espagnole

with the so so so sexy Romain Duris. Unfortunately though, he's not so sexy in this movie... in fact, he's kind of a douche... AND he's surrounded by beautiful women the whole time! He's one for the website (see above)!



This is him in "de Battre mon Coeur" (to beat my heart) also a good movie.
This is the trailer for a movie I'm just dying to see with him in it again.

SOOOO good!

Right now my obsession with french films is induced by my obsession with french men. Short little cute boys with silly accents, c'est magnifique!
Actually, Yoye says my french is getting much better now that I've been watching these movies - it's still so embarrassing.
He's out to visit here in portland for the week before we both go back home. Me for 11 days, him for god knows how long.

Here, I took this picture of him while he was sleeping. It's the best shot I could get without him waking up to me trying to angle my laptop just right in front of his face. That would have been super awkward, not to mention super creepy.



ce qui un joli garçon!!


Here is my sweater that I am working on for my dad. I've finished the back and now the front is well on it's way. It's actually working up faster than I had initially expected.



This is my favorite part of my apartment, this little corner table i found at a consignment shop with my eiffel tower lamp. unfortunately, yoye hates this lamp so much... which i find endearing, just like his hate for that rat bastard Nicolas Sarkozy.



This cat came in and randomly started meowing at me, see? Check him out! He's HUGE!!! That's my oven, can you believe it?





and this is me berry picking!

slower and slower

music: movie: Little Women (1994)

slowly and more slowly i'm getting used to Mr. Christian Bale. After American Psycho I thought I would never be able to get over how much i LOATHE him, but I now love him. The Machinist and Little Women I became convinced that he is just, in fact, an actor.

Speaking of actors, I dreamed again. That's right, another fucking bizarre weird dream.... about.... Hulk Hogan. I had a dream about Hulk "The Hulkster" Hogan. He was my date at this office party and it was a huge warehouse full of office watercooler people who were celebrating the record store office party. He and I were trying to find a way out of there and he was my super nice boyfriend. He kept picking me up and telling me how pretty I was. I asked him to rip his shirt in half, and he obliged. It was a great dream, to be honest.

mon dieu! i've been knitting like crazy! i've been working on this sweater for the past couple of days and it's knitting up so quickly. I finally spent the money on some addi turbos and they truly are incredible. I didn't think it was a big deal until now! I mean, I always figured them overrated but they are truly something to be screamed from the rooftops.

I love you and miss you.

update: the sweater is for my daddy for christmas. the plan is to knit sweaters/shirts for my whole family this year.

I should be so lucky!

Music: Aphex Twin - "Windowlicker"

This morning I woke up in a sweat and ran to the bathroom. of course, the heat and my wanting to pee incredibly bad had made for a wonderful nightmare. sooo... here it is:

Alright, so I don't remember much of what happened before I had actually looked in the mirror... but this dream is a second parter. That's right... it's the chilling sequel to a dream I had earlier this month and thought nothing of.

In the first dream I went to my buddy Neal to get more tattoos and so I tell him to do what he thinks is best, but I definitely want a bottle of Tabasco hot sauce in there - WHAT THE FUCK? So he goes to town on my back I'm enduring through all this pain and right when he says, "alright, go ahead and take a look!" I WAKE UP.

okay, so fast forward a couple of weeks to last night and I'm dreaming. This time all I can remember is me looking in the mirror and seeing the fucking worst thing I could have possibly imagined. Actually, I have no idea - really - where this came from. Not only that, but I have no idea how I could have even... like IMAGINED this at all. But I look at my back in the mirror and, no joke, he has covered it in the most outrageous collection of disney themed shitty tattoos. He had tattooed JESUS CHRIST giving the buddy christ thumbs up, a Daffy Duck themed water fountain complete with glitter and sea shells/starfish, and even more Rose Parade Float-worthy concepts.

So, in my sleep I start to PANIC horrendously. I start taking in huge breaths and hyperventilating. I finally wake up and I actually say, "oh dear god... it was all just a dream... a terrible, terrible dream". I even went to pee and looked at my back in the mirror just to make super duper double sure.

Becky, please tell me what this all means!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, I've been bookbinding. Yes, that's right, I've been giving other programs on campus shots. Although I love to bind books, I haven't fallen completely IN LOVE with it. But, I could definitely see how someone can devote a four year BFA with a concentration to it. So far I'm digging on fibers all around and I'm pretty stuck on it. However, ceramics is becoming more and more fun. Next couple weeks should be incredibly relaxing seeing as to how I only have a few classes.

Here are some really fun pictures of some of my life and goings on:



Okay, so this is Becca (my sister) lounging about when I went home for the quick Independence day holiday.


Arson, Becky, & Terry all chillin and laughin it up at Palermo's.


My dogs... this was actually before their apparent marital problems. They don't sleep close to each other anymore. Cud-Cud likes to sleep in the bathroom on top of all my dirty clothes when I'm home - SPECIFICALLY. Sasha sometimes does the same thing. (Sasha=Grey, Cud-Cud=Tan)


One of the many incredible pictures of my sister.


My friends Kela and Paul. Kela is an amazingly spiritual being. She is incredibly evocative and smart. Paul is the same but specifically a great lamp artist, he is also a great t-shirt collector.


This is the lamp that Paul custom made for me. He buys hand made paper and it takes him about two weeks to form it over these black dowels that are painted black and puts the light cord in it. He leaves the top open to keep it from overheating and so you can shove a hand down there to change the bulb. This picture doesn't do it justice though. It truly makes my room look like this very inviting burlesque room. It gives it that last bit of pure eroticism that I so sorely need in my life... even if it is through parent friendly inanimate objects.


Here is some detail on the texture of the lamp's paper shade. As a textural person, I can tell you - this, in itself, is breathtaking.


I'm sorry it takes so long for me to post, but to be honest - everytime I post they're pretty long. So we can basically apply the idea that, sure they're few and far between, but that's what makes you desire them even more. Love you girls.

You can't triple stamp on a double stamp.

Music: Lali Puna - "Come On Home"

Yes, I know. I'm sorry, so so so sorry. I can't believe all the shit I've been doing and the amount of time that has passed since I left.

My sister left already and now there's an empty space on the left side of the bed. Here we are on alder and 4th:




Even though I really do miss you guys so much, I've never had the experience of not wanting to go home before. It's completely surreal and bizarre. I feel completely at home here in my little apartment in my little city that's not so little. Portland is so awesome. Everyone is just always psyched on being here. The strangest thing is no one is actually FROM here. It's completely wild. Everyone I met knows exactly where I'm from because they lived, "two towns over". It's always "two towns over".

As far as knitting is concerned, I've been doing some fun ass things.

1. Awesome AWESOME awesome green mittens that are made out of yarn that I spun on one of those top whorl spindles.

2. Shibui Transitions Fingerless gloves I'm knitting in 2 different yarns I dyed myself (one is deep deep maroon red and the other is deep variegated indigo blue) for biking.

3. Simple socks made from Opal self patterning sock yarn in yellow.

I also bought some awesome yarn that's 50% wool & 50% llama by Cascade called Pastaza. It's the perfect weight and color, I'm going to knit up a nice long beanie.

I know I know, I should have some pictures - well my mom is mailing me her camera soon, so I should have some excellent pictures of EVERYTHING!

The super duper hard ceramics class that I am taking is really putting so much pressure on me. I mean, I enjoy it - but I'm letting it take over my life. My instructor is this awesome lesbian that is super duper adorable. She's so nice and calm and patient, but totally down to earth and realistic. There's this old bitch in the class that's just... well a bitch! and the teacher doesn't even bother with her. I mean, there's just NO WAY this old bitch will EVER get it. Coincidentally, the old bitch lives underneath my apartment... WHAT ARE THE ODDS!? Anyway, she always asks me about the girl that lives next door to me because I guess the girl next door is, "coming in and out of the house at 3 in the morning!". But, I just ignore her and smile and nod at everything she says so she calls me "doll". I call her "old bitch,"
just not to her face.

We laugh and smile, and she has no idea how much I actually am annoyed by her bullshit.



I love you all so much.
-Laura

Portland, the poor man's San Fransisco.

"The Animals Were Gone" - Damien Rice

With the ratio of toothless slack-jawed yokels to uppity snobbish artsy wine-o assholes dangerously in sync with the northern bay of California (the yokels slowly surpassing their counters by a mere 1.3 to 1), i have decided to dub Portland the cleaner hickish San Fransisco. And, yes, I am fully aware that there may be the raised eyebrow or two to my "quick to the draw" label - but there are just way too many opinions flying abouts all over the place. I mean, sure! Portland is WAY fucking cool... but there are so many people trying desperately to keep up with it's coolness, they end up failing miserably. my opinion will more than likely change in the coming days, several times without a doubt.

But seriously, I haven't REALLY been downtown since I got here. I've honestly had NO time. Let me go ahead and run through the "so far":

1. Thursday:
Drove straight from 8:30am to 12:30am and arrive in Eugene, OR - or as I like to call it, "why the fuck would you ever go to school here?-town" (aka Eugene Bible College and other such related classics). The entire TREK was a nightmare of cheap cheeseburgers, stops for gas & assorted gum, and the death choke hold of window lock with a busted ass. Stayed at a hotel, "something Marriot" - it was alright, the beds were shit. I woke up with the worst pain in my back since ever.

2. Friday:
Woke up at 10am and missed out on free continental breakfast but my moms decided on buying us the biggest fattest breakfast at ihop EVER, fucking genius! I had corn cake pancakes, yes. my best friend zoe got a fat spinach and mushroom omelette. the day had started out almost too well, and ended on a high note. We slept at the Red Lion Inn after dropping all our shit off at the new apartment. Did I mention we had shoved all of my shit into my little Lexus? Well, we did -- best decision ever, psyche! it kinda sucked. Did some light shopping at the mall to find me clothes, bought the coolest old school Michael Jackson elephant bells that make me look incredibly large.

3. Saturday:
The day of dawning death. This was BY FAR the worst and BEST Saturday ever. We went HERE which is the worst place to go if you need sleep or anything to do with it. I swear to god, the sleaziest grossest guy you could ever imagine. He was like a car salesman with greasy ass hair and nasty mossy brown crooked teeth and a sinus problem, only he was peddling mattresses? what the fuck man? We ended up going HERE, which was amazing. We got a queen beautyrest, a full ass futon, a beautiful futon mattress, a gorgeous suede cover, 2 big ass long body pillows, a hollywood frame, and peace of mind for only $1389. That's right, in Oregon -- YOU DON'T PAY SALES TAX!!!!!!!!!!!! Not to mention the sales guy was super nice and very handsome without being too pushy. THEN! While talking about how awesome our purchases were at the mattress place, I said, "oh let me move this seatbelt behind me because it hurts my tits". So no joke, a cop pulls us over about a minute after I had done that and gave me the lecture on seatbelts... it went a little something like this:

ugly neon green cop on a motorcycle: "You know, here in OREGON the law says you have to wear it across your chest and buckled across your lap at all times - and your registration tags are expired."

me: "oh, well I was grabbing something in my bag down here between my legs - my tits got in the way"

-- that's right, i TOTALLY squished my boobs together in an alarmingly informative, yet vulgar, manner.

cop: "here's a fix it ticket - i wont ticket you for the registration, you don't have to pay the fine if you go to this 2 hour class."

me: "thanks." BIG FAT SMILE!

the cops here are gross and ugly, the cops back home at least have that hot mystery color navy blue? black? uniform with the big gold badge that says, "yeah... i can kick your fucking ass, man."

Then spent about 1,000 bucks HERE and put it all away and called it quits for the day. Then I set up my cable wireless and it is freakin amazing.... it's so damn fast!!!!! I'm really loving it.

4. Sunday:
The PLANS for sunday are basically to have a good time and buy THIS and pretty much browse whatever else i need in their CUTE FUCKING STORE.

El Zilcho!

Work has been excellent these past couple of days!! I have learned how to list something completely on eBay without the help of others. (I already knew how to do it, but I did it to my dad's exact standards.)

My father has begun to repeatedly shut me down on pretty much anything I do. The ladies find it to be a "lashing out" of sorts to deal with my leaving. Whatever it is, he's being a total douche.

Anyway, I got a tattoo if you didn't get a chance to see it on Tuesday. It is my favorite one, so far, out of all of them.

I've got some 'splainin to do, I know. It's a sacred Garlic. Instead of Jesus Christ's sacred heart, I got a head of garlic wrapped in a crown of thorns. It's peeling super duper bad now, and I pretty much reek of A&D solution... but Adorable!

I've been knitting this amazing little nubby pillow. I got the pattern in Stitch & Bitch Nation and I really love it. It's taking me FOREVER though and that's so bothersome. I think I've got about 7 inches done and it takes 28. It's been a friggin week! HURRY UP! Anyway, the color is a really pretty aquamarinish turquoisey blue and I really love it. It's going to match my (hopefully) green leather couch I saw on craigslist. I don't think I will get it though, who knows?

Went to The Coffee Bean on Tuesday and hung out, then went to Mimi's to meet up with Miss Sandy. Good times had by all!

Men + Religion = MASSIVE PISSING CONTEST

Music: Patsy Cline - "Fall To Pieces"

Several things have happened to me in the past, what? week that I haven't posted?

Let's Tarantino it:

I hate to start off my chain of events on such a bad note, but CHRISTIANS piss me off. And, yes, I understand that I there is a potential riot here... but it needed to be said. My sister goes to church on wednesdays and I always drop her off and pick her up, no problem! What bothers me is she never waits for me outside so I have to walk into this church where there's always about fifty kids running around screaming and mother's clutching their babies to their bosom as I nonchalantly walk by. It's an outrage! The stress of the day without knitting causes me to get edgy, not to mention Nikki had just slammed the phone down on me when I told her to get a ride from someone else. So, by the time I grab Nikki's arm and drag her out of there, I'm cursing up a storm... "I always fucking tell you to wait outside, I'm so sick of the bullshit I have to deal with when it comes to picking you up, don't ever hang up on me like that..." etc. and all this while I'm walking towards my car in the dark of the street lamps.

So this straight up Summer's Eve Douche interrupts me and screams across,

"HEY! DO YOU PRAY WITH THAT MOUTH?"
me, "NOT THAT IT'S ANY OF YOUR OPINION, BUT I DON'T GO TO CHURCH"
lame guy, "oh well, honey, you need to!"
me, "HEY WELL, IF I WANTED YOUR OPINION - I'D ASK FOR IT"
lame guy, "well god bless you."

This guy! Like he knows me!

Then earlier today, I was pretty pissy to begin with because we hadn't sold anything for 3 days. THEN! BAM! Someone randomly decided to spend three thousand bucks on like four items. Because of this, my old man wasn't on my back all day, it was flippin' sweet.

I love to scare my ladies and I'm really living off the suspense. Shit is going down on Sunday afternoon. I'm knitting some baby socks in relation to the Sunday noon (such a RANDOM hint, you would never guess it) -- I only have my shitty camera phone, but here's a picture!



AND! Miss Becky gave me three balls of NORO transitions yarn I've been wanting for so long. I'm terrified to even look at anything that isn't mine for too long at the shop. You'll know my fears are valid, once you see the awesome basket she gave me them in.




What a wonderful woman, I swear. I will miss her so much when I'm gone.

My mother loved her hat!!!




Look at those flawless teeth - it's like you can't even tell she's from another country!

What a great couple of days -- from what I remember.

I love listening to sexy music when I write in my blog, Ratatat is no exception.